hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we're making bets on your personal life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
