Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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