I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
