Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
