No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
