She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize