foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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