Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official drugs can't kill me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
