If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
