DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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