i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
