I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
