I haven't been this sober since birth.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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