Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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