I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
