How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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