just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
