Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
