My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
