dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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