Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
