We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
