I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize