When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
