Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize