That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
