we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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