He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
