o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
