i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
