Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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