:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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