well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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