Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
