the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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