i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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