it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
