i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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