arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
