We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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