i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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