he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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