I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
