Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
