in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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