so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
