um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
