He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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