Do vagina's smell?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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