I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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