THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is Oprah even human
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
