we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
