If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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