So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
