i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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