if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
