Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
wow bdsm is so cute
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
