you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
