Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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