Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
