my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize