sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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