A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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