I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
