I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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