i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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